


a score's worth of love

by gretani



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3767554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gretani/pseuds/gretani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she watched erwin smith as he was lying on his bed after that fateful fight wherein a titan severed his right arm. memories of the past swelled through her mind as tears started to fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. soldier-nurse

Camilla Gantz watched as the doctor lay Erwin Smith to the hospital bed after cleaning up and bandaging the severed right arm. She watched as Zoë Hange one of the squad leaders, reported to the doctor Erwin's vital signs, furiously rattling off stuff as she frantically was raising her arms. The doctor looked at the soldier in front of him with boredom as he jotted in his notes the patient's condition. 

"Doctor, someone should learn how to change the bandages and clean Commander Erwin's wound. We wouldn't want him to acquire infection, do we?" Hange asked, quite concern for the unlucky situation of her commander.

"Of course. I trust that you, Zoë Hange would be doing it, since i assume you have quite some medical knowledge to help our patient here...not that I'm not trusting your skills."

Hange heaved as sigh as she looked at Camilla.

"Squad leader Gantz, you know a thing or two about basic wound care, right? After all, the commander had sent you to that training a few years back on emergency preparedness."

Camilla was tonguetied. She wasn't even given a chance to redeem herself when Hange thrusted upon her a burden that was weighing heavily in her heart.

"Bu-but...Hange-san..."

"Oh, but I have heard that you also know a thing or two about pultices and concoctions, right? Then, it is settled!" Hange winked at her. The doctor could only shake his head and sigh.

Turning to Camilla, the doctor rattled off the initial assessment on Erwin. 

Hailing from Dauper Village, Camilla was an acquaintance to the rookie Sasha Blouse, now a member of the Special Operations Squad under Captain Levi. As a hunter, Camilla knew that learning about local remedies was a life-saver, especially if something should go wrong during hunting. So, in all diligence, and with a book she got from her doctor-grandfather, Camilla studied plants useful for medicine, and plants that can be used as poison.

***  
"Camilla, thank you so much for your help," Erwin said as he watched his comrade helping him don the hospital gown. He studied her face as she was looking with some disbelief of the ghost where his arm used to be.

"Are you all right? Is taking care of me making you uncomfortable?"

Camilla blinked her eyes before looking up to Eriwn's eyes. She was searching for something she had wanted for so long, yet did not find it in his eyes.

"No...this doesn't bother me at all, Commander."

A ghost of a smile appeared on the side of Erwin's lips.

"Camilla, please. We have known each other for more than 20 years. You used to call me Brows, remember?"

The cool breeze made its way through the window as the curtains danced. Camilla's nape seemed hot as goosebumps appeared, yet the breeze didn't alleviate how she felt. A slight blush crept across her cheeks as Erwin mentioned to her his sobriquet. 

Unable to answer her commander, Camilla lowered her gaze as she buttoned the gown.

"With this regard, Commander, I reckoned that the MPs will want you arrested for treason..or for whatever reasons they want to hurl at you. Either way, since Hange had already assigned me as your nurse, should you go to prison, I will go with you too. I won't trust anyone with cleaning and changing your bandage. You are still wounded as it is, and you dying of infection is something we in the Scouting Legion do not want to happen."

Erwin heaved a sigh. "You may be right. Eren and Historia are too valuable to be disposed of, and we can't risk handing them over to the MPs. Promise me you'll do, in all your power, to help Levi and Hange keep the kids safe. I trust you and others to resist whatever is bringing our moral down."

Camilla blinked her eyes. The images of Mike and Nanaba flashed in front of her. Now that most of the senior squad leaders are gone, the ones left behind had to uphold the battered banner and refuse surrendering.

In one last effort to keep her patient comfortable, the soldier-nurse helped Erwin lie on bed. She brushed stray golden locks off his handsome face as she told him to get some rest. She stood up and strode across the room to pull the window curtains together, walked to the table to pick up the medicinal tray, and headed out the room.


	2. when we first met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first of Camilla's memories about Erwin Smith

After the grueling initiation, the cadets heaved a sigh as they headed for the dining room. They were cackling like chickens hungry for food, the neverending banter irritating a certain brunette.

Camilla Gantz sneered at her comrades as she gave a derisive glance at a group of noisy lads.

"What's your problem, Miss-Crazy-to-become -a-scout-member? What's with that look?"

"You,sir, are as noisy as hens heavy with want to immediately lay their eggs-"

"What did you say, bitch?" 

The guy was about to give her a punch on the face, but Camilla gripped his fist on mid-air, then twisting his arm as he grimaced in pain.

"Ow! Ow! Let go of meeeee!"

"Call me a bitch again, and your body will be twisted like pretzels." Camilla said as she loosen her grip. She then walked inside the dining hall, oblivious to the jeers, sneers, and small talks behind her backs. Not that she really minded it. She berated herself for picking up a fight the very first day of training. Eventually, she'll gain the notoriety of being the gangster of the batch.

She picked her food and placed it on a tray. Looking about, Camilla spotted the very last table on the inner side of the room, intending to sit with her back facing the crowd. She wasn't in the mood to acquaint with anyone just yet.

"Wow, that was some kind of move there," a gruff voice was heard behind her. Turning to look at the shadows hovering over her, she saw a guy with messy black hair, and a blonde whose hair was parted from the center. The blond's cerulean eyes caught her by surprise, and she felt her breath caught in her throat. 

"Can we sit with you?" The blonde asked.

Camilla nodded as she moved closer to the wall, gesturing for her classmates to take a seat on the benches on that table. A brunette girl with angelic features caught up with the guys, and she asked if she could sit beside them.

"You must be that girl from Dauper Village, I suppose," the blond asked again. Camilla could only nod her head as the raven-haired guy held out his hand.

"This might be the awkward place to introduce ourselves. I'm Nile, and this is Erwin. This girl here is our childhood friend Marie."

Marie waved as she smiled at Camilla.

"Nice t'meetcha!" she chirped in.

"Can we join you?" Another gruffy voice piped in. Camilla was not happy that her peace of mind and personal bubble was invaded by more strangers she wasn't ready to talk to yet. But as this was a dining room, she cannot do anything about it.

"I'm Mike, and this lady-man with me is Na-ouch!!!!!"

"Don't you call me a lady-man, you creep!" Nanaba punched Mike's arm. The others at table could only laugh, but not the silent brunette.

****

She saw him ran a few laps just before sunset.

Erwin's breathing was heavy as the past half-hour's worth of jogging took the toll from his lungs. He jogged, but he wan't really much of an expert. As he was lean as he was tall, he knew he had to develop stamina and more muscles to be able to survive the rigorous training.

Camilla watched him silently from her bed as she was arranging her belongings. Nanaba was dusting her bed when she noticed her silent companion looking longingly out the window. The latter silently walked to the former and slightly ticked her forehead.

"Hey, you'll develop wrinkles early. Who are you looking at, my dear?" And a gasp was heard. "Oh, you have a thing for Mr. Smith, don't you?"

Camilla's eyes widened as she looked at Nanaba, yet she was tonguetied.

Nanaba chuckled as she sat and hugged her friend. "He's a nice catch, y'know...good-looking and all that. You never know, you might actually end up together!"

The brunette could only smile as she continued to watch the golden-haired prince stretching outside.

****

And it turned out that Erwin is exceptionally gifted both in the classroom and in the field. As such, his classmates had a high regard for him. Nevertheless, whoever the son-of-a-bitch was decided to call him Brows, that nickname had finally settled in with the batch. 

Coincidentally, his circle of friends was actually also very much capable and gifted. They officially adopted Camilla to their group, although she had very much wanted to be on her own. It's not that she didn't want to make any friends. She just actually wanted to be alone.

However, the sight of seeing Erwin everyday gave her that consolation. To her dismay, she found out that both Nile and Erwin had a thing for Marie. And of course, Mike and Nanaba were very much comfortable with each other. Marie, on the other hand, couldn't very much decide who she'll choose. Nile is very much a daredevil, and a charmer. Erwin, on the other hand, is very much a gentleman though he can sway people with his words, not to mention that he is a very handsome fellow. Marie would have herself be situated between the two guys. At thirteen, a girl's definition of Mr. Perfect could actually just be based on apperances, and Marie was no exception. But of course, she never knew about Camilla's infatuation with Erwin. The guy in question, however, had a keen sense of observation, and he reckoned that Camilla's attitude towards him was different from how she treated her other friends. He kept a mental note to that one. It may come in handy someday.

****  
"I can guess that you've mastered this hand-to-hand combat since you use it everyday", Erwin surmised as he handed to Camilla the wooden dagger.

"Yes. i've tackled mountain beasts, large prey and some rough men myself, and battling a titan shouldn't be so hard for me."

Erwin smiled. "It's your turn to be rogue."

Camilla could only look at the dagger and then back to Erwin's blue eyes...those eyes that had very much taken her. Any forms of reason and logic were thrown out the window everytime she gazes upon the ethereal loveliness that is Erwin Smith. Trying to gain some senses back to her, she silently took the dagger from her partner. However, without warning, Camilla tackled Eriwn and wrestled him to the ground. The tall blonde was dumbfounded as he looked at his partner, confusion shown in his eyes.

"That, uh, was rather swift..."

"I'm sorry if I caught you off guard."

Erwin chuckled as he stood up and dusted his uniform. 

"Don't be. This is supposed to be a match, remember? I'm putting that on my mind next time we spar. And, by the way, Camilla, I want us to be sparring partners from now on."

Camilla's face furiously blushed like an apple. She blinked, confused and unable to coherently form any words.

"Uh...thank you?"

"Really now, Camilla...I'm serious."

"All right. Sparring partners we are then. Thank you, Brows."


	3. prolonged agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two years had passed since the cadets enlisted. many colleagues surrendered. a few died. but the survivors prevailed. however, to survive means to endure anymore painful emotions dealing with being an adolescent.

_Two years had passed..._

 

Erwin was pumping some iron when Nile and Mike went in the exercise room, grinning. They knew that Brows was doing this for a certain someone, and that they knew that Valentines day was around the corner.

"Hey, Brows! You should take a break! You've become so macho that girls are starting to swoon over you and leave us with none!" Mike said as he snorted through his nose. Nile guffawed at his friend's remark as Erwin wiped the sweat off his chest.

"Well, friends, let's not get too excited over me being a lady's man. I think we should first worry that we have to choose which regiment we'll end up going to. I plan on joining the Scouts", Erwin remarked.

 

"Me, too," Mike replied, "and so is Nanaba."

 

"I'm thinking of joining the Scouts too. I haven't asked the girls yet." Nile replied.

Mike snorted. "I think I thought Nanaba told me Marie planned on Joining the Military Police, and that we know that Camilla's been intent on joining the Scouts eversince."

Nile blinked. He knew that he liked Marie, and that Erwin does too. But Marie had been to fickleminded to think and choose who she'll go with. He was hoping that Marie would choose him if he asked her.

Erwin, meanwhile, was deep in thought. Of course, he liked Marie and was very much infatuated with her. Not that he didn't mind of Nile as a rival. But to him, the thirst for knowledge of the outside world seduced him more than the love of a woman. As long as Titans continually hound outside the walls, the only logical thing to do is to eliminate every single one of them. But if he asked her to marry him, he feared that only his corpse would reach her one day, or worse none at all. He didn't want to put too much pain to someone he loved just because he died.

***

Marie held Erwin's hand as she led him out from the dining hall. In a few day's time, they will be graduating, and they would choose where they want to be. Marie knew that she liked Erwin more than she liked Nile, and she hoped she could change Erwin's mind.

"Brows, are you really intent on joining the Scout Regiment?" she looked at him with worry in her eyes. But she was only met with a cold stare.

"Yes, I am. I has been my dream eversince. One just cannot turn a blind eye from the dilemma which reside outside these walls. The Titans are not just gonna sit back and watch us live our lives. No, once they break through, we will all be history."

"Then, before we become history, why don't we make our own love story? I love you very much, Erwin..."

Erwin shuddered at hearing the four-letter word. Never in his life had he imagined someone proposing her love for him. Brazen women like her turn him on, but scare him at the same time.

"Marie...you can't be serious, can you?"

Marie touched Erwin's face and caressed it. She took his other hand and let his palm rest on her breast.

"I am yours, Erwin. Take me. I don't care if you die tomorrow. Just take me..."

And with one swoop on her face, Erwin hungrily kissed Marie, his hands exploring every bit of her.

"Let's go somewhere else to finish this. I don't want us to be seen," Erwin whispered as he nipped Marie's lower lip.

 

***

Her heart,like glass, has been broken a thousand pieces.

Camilla accidentally saw what transpired in the exercise room as she saw Erwin making love to Marie. Though the couple was trying to avoid making noises, Marie's moans just answered to Erwin's ministrations. The brunette saw this because she wanted to exercise instead of joining the Valentine's day activity. But she was in for a surprise. She berated herself for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Silently closing the door so that the couple can't be seen, she tried not to make herself be heard when tears fell.

***

Marie and Erwin never mentioned to anyone what had happened between them, and their other friends never even knew anything. However, Erwin had noticed that Camilla was suddenly too cold and distant. She refused to spar with him anymore and she fled to the exercise room to vent her frustrations. 

Of course, Mike could sense these things, but he never bothered to tell the others about two of their friends.

"Just let her be. She probably was sulking because no one asked her to the dance," Marie said as she dusted her jacket and pants.

"No. She didn't even go to the dance. I haven't seen her all evening,"Nanaba replied as she handed Marie the wodden dagger."

Upon hearing this, Erwin decided to ask Camilla himself. Something told him she knew more than she let on.

***

"You saw us, didn't you?" Erwin's cold and solid voice asked Camilla.

A roundhouse kick flew his way, but Erwin managed to grab Camilla's foot.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't feign ignorance. The reason you've been acting cold towards me is because you saw what happened the other night."

Thorns seemed to prick Camilla's dry throat, but no words came out. She just managed to release her foot from Erwin's grip, but to no avail. The guy immediately tackled his friend, flipped her to the ground, and cornered her. Erwin looked into Camilla's eyes, but the girl adamantly refused to look at him.

"Look at me, please, Camilla!"

But the girl only breathed evenly. She was rigid, trying to make sense of everything that was happening. Erwin being on top of her just made her body tingle, yet she was frustrated because he was the cause of her heartache.

"Get off me!" Camilla shouted as she pushed Ewin too hard, making him fly a little towards the bench. He was unable to grasp at his friend's unusual gargantuan strength.


	4. choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cadets get to choose their regiment. along with that choice comes the choice to follow one's heart.

Commander Darius Zackly ushered one of his squad leaders. He sent him forth to get the cadets.

"It's time!" Squad Leader Marion Deutscher bellowed out amongst a sea of listless cadets pacing outside the mess hall.

The ground thundered of boot sounds, as though a battalion of soldiers and horses were about to engage in war...only that the cadets were battling fear for their lives and future.

The crowd was very silent, albiet a girl suddenly headed near Deutscher and began puking.

"What's the matter, cadet? How did you survive these past three years when you are now starting to puke like a toddler?!"

"I don't want to die, sir..."

"Get a-hold of yourself! You haven't even seen the atrocities outside these walls, and you are not even a member of the top 10! Then choose wisely as to were you want yourself to be! You will be a soldier, and we will send you to your deaths soon!"

The girl tried her best not to cry, but hot tears were starting to fall down her face furiously. Suddenly, she felt a hand grabbing hers.

"Let's go." Camilla said.

"Aren't you afraid, Camilla?" the girl, Rowena, asked her classmate.

"Death is for the weak. I refuse to die, and i will make it out alive. I am tired of being scared. Being courageous is the only option there is. And if that's what it takes for me to live, so be it."

***

Darius Zackly silently paced in front of the cadets, letting them weigh on their decisions before they'd regret them. A heavy feeling of foreboding hung heavily among them. The choices these young recruits will be making will define their fate: it will be a thin line between life and death. 

The Commander of the Military Police stopped pacing and faced his audience.

"I welcome you all to this night of decision. It will shape who you will be in the next few days...or months...or years for the ones lucky to be alive. This will be a very grim reminder to you all. The MPs will live inside Wall Sina and will serve the king," the commander said, letting that statement hung unto the cadets' heads, yet leaving a bitter taste to his mouth.

"The Garrison Regiment guards the walls and reinforces help when needed. And the Scout Regiment...you already know the bitter truth about this group."

A pause. No murmurs were uttered by the crowd.

"I will now ask you this: are you willing to die if I send you to your deaths?" Darius bellowed.

No one answered, not even Camilla.

"I reckon that you all are still undecided. However, you already had graduated," Darius said as he reached for an old gun from his holster, "yet you are still confused. In front of you are Commander Niklaus Forschner from the Garrison Regiment, and Commander Conrad Armand from the Scout Regiment. Choose!" The Military Police Commander bellowed as he hastingly pulled the trigger to an unknown aim. 

The sight of the gun had stunned the cadets enough, but they didn't see that gunshot coming. In fright, the students hastingly ran in line to the regiment they were "supposed" to go to.

Darius smiled. If these kids always had second thoughts about everything, they're dead. Frightening them made them on their toes. That's how the veteran solders survived: they trusted their instincts.

****

A hand held Marie's hand. 

"Nile!" 

"Surprised?"

"I thought...I thought you'd join the scouts!"

"No, not when you won't be there anyway," Nile said as he squeezed Marie's hand. The gal smiled back at him and tightened the squeeze of the hand.

"Let's get married after this," the young man said to Marie.

"Yes, I will marry you."

***

He may seemed unfazed by the turn of events, but Erwin felt like bile is rising up to his throat. He glanced over to where Marie- and Nile were. The blond heaved a sigh of defeat. Even with that strikingly frightening gunshot, Nile was still able to hold his wits together and go to where Marie was headed for. The girl that he, Erwin, had loved will never be his...not anymore.

***

Camilla glanced over to her shoulder and caught sight of Erwin looking over to their estranged friends. She swallowed. Even though she knew that Erwin had always liked Marie, Camilla had always wished that Nile would go after the brunette. But looking at her beloved right now gave a pang of guilt to Camilla's chest. She had wanted Erwin too, yet she knew that he will never look at her the way he looked at Marie.

"It won't matter anymore. I've made my choice. I could only love Erwin in secret. I would never know who among the two of us will die first. At least, he will always be in my memories," Camilla said as she shut her eyes, letting bitter streams of tears fall.

***

"That settles it. No more exchanging places. You've made your choices as I've wanted you to do even in haste. Welcome to the club, people. You are officially soldiers now!" Darius Zackly said as he have a salute to the soldiers, and they to him.


	5. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another recon mission was set a week after the choosing ceremony. The greenhorns were in for a rude awakening.

A map of the route outside Shiganshina's gate was passed among the new members of the Survey Corps.

"That is where we will go next," Squad Leader Erika Fulwider pointed to a spot on the map. "We've created bases in the nearby area just so that we can reclaim those territories, and we will be building more bases. For us to do that, we will need your help. I assumed you, greenhorns, had already mastered using your ODM gear, so I will not be expecting less from you. More is expected from you because more than 30% of our comrades get eaten by those bastards."

"That will probably make me a plus to this group," Mike answered.

"How so?" Erika asked.

"I have an acute sense of smell. I could tell you right now that twenty meters from here is the stable."

Erika was amazed.

"You're right. And you haven't been there, have you?"

"No, but i know the smell of horses. I know the smell of people. And by the time I go outside, I will know how the Titans would smell."

Nanaba smiled. Indeed, it was an honor to have Mike in the group. Moreover, she was happy that Camilla and Erwin had joined the Scout Regiment.

***

The gates in Shiganshina opened as Commander Conrad gave a battle cry. The Regiment set forth outside again, bringing with them hopes that the outside world will finally be freed from Titans. Wagons, horses and their masters journeyed to the forbidden territory.

Mike,Nanaba, Camilla and Erwin are placed under Erika's squad. Along with them are Assistant Squad Leaders Patrick Seestern and Alfred Krebse.

"This is it, guys," Nanaba said as she looked at her friends.

"Up ahead, a 7-meter class Titan!" Another squad leader shouted as he fired a red smoke. 

The senior squad leaders drove in for the chase and began to attack the Titan.

Mike suddenly shouted. "I smell Titans ahead!"

And he was right. Suddenly, ten Aberrant Types began flocking in on them, stamping on the soldiers, smashing those on ODM gear on the trees. The single formation had gone awry, and the team dispersed like chickens chased by cats. 

"Camilla!"

 Erwin shouted out to his colleague who fell on the ground. A Titan was headed Camilla's way, intending to crush her.

The girl grimaced in pain as she painstakingly tried to get up. But she suddenly saw the horror in front of her...and Erwin on his horse trying to get a good spot to climb unto the Titan with his gear.

"Erwin! Get away!"

"No, I'm not leaving you!"

"I can do this, not without a fight!" Camilla said as she pushed the hand grips for the grapple-hooks to eject. She was aiming for the Titan's heel, knowing all too well that she might get smashed if the giant foot should take a step. Luckily, the hooks attached to the left leg, and Camilla swung up the wind, maneuvering herself so that she could reach for the nape. To her relief, Erwin had already sliced the nape cleanly with his blade.

"That was very reckless,Camilla."

"You were also reckless too, Erwin. You could have saved the others! I was fine!"

"Stop it, you two! This is no time for a lovers' quarrel!" Patrick scolded them as he sliced off the nape of an oncoming Titan.

"We're not lovers, sir!" Camilla hotly contested as she answered her superior.

"Then, get back to work, imbiciles!"

***

The sun was shining brightly, and it was starting to get too hot. The scouts decided to take shelter into one of the houses they had previously made. 

Leaning on the wall as she sat on the bed, Camilla silently grimaced in pain. It had been years before when she had first experienced this after an instructor purposely cut off her cord. It was a good thing Camilla had fast reflexes, otherwise she would have died.

"I could easily had taken on that Titan eitherway whether you were injured or not," Erwin said as he handed his colleague some decoction for pain.

"Thank you." Camilla whispered as she blew the hot drink.

"You got us worried, Camilla. I'd say that was very reckless. Erwin was there, it was his responsibility to save you," Nanaba said as she sat beside her friend.

"I don't want to be anyone's burden."

"You would be  burden if we carried your corpse," Mike piped in.

Camilla sighed. She hated to admit that her friends were right, but she was a proud girl. She hated to admit defeat.

***

The recon mission continued for the able-bodied soldiers. The wounded ones were told to stay on the camps and hide. From where they were, it was impossible for Titans to get near.

Suddenly, the sky grew dark, and heavy rain started to fall.

"Just our luck," Conrad muttered. Erika pulled her hood on and instructed her squad to get moving.

"We'd better traverse along these giant trees, sir. I bet it'll be easier for us to spot a Titan with less rain than out in the open. Out there in the fields, it seemed like mist is starting to reel in," Erwin suggested to his Commander.

"You're right, kid. I wouldn't want any more mishaps than we already had. Men, let's get inside the forest."

With Camilla not going with the excursion, a heavy uneasy feeling settled on Erwin's chest. Yes, he knew he didn't have feelings for the girl, yet she was still a friend. It would kill him if they came back from the recon and the base is in ruins, and the girl among the victims. Though the base is inaccesible to Titans, anything can happen.

But as Erika's team drew near, a 25-meter Aberrant Type and two 7-meter types suddenly appeared among the trees. the smaller Titans began chasing Erika's squad, and unfortunately, Erika ang Albert were captured. Patrick and his charges watched in horror as their comrades were devoured mercilessly. 

"NOOOOOO!!!" Patrick cried out as he prepared to tackle on to the two Titans. He was able to cut the nape of one, but as he approached the second one, he suddenly ran out of gas. And it was his last view that he was stomped by the second one. Erwin, Nanaba and Mike could have helped them if only the 25-meter one had not forcedly kicked their horses and rendered them incapable. 

"Oh man, we're so dead!" Nanaba shrieked.

"No, we will fight, Nanaba, and we will come back alive!" Mike said as he and Erwin decided to tackle on the big one as some reinforcements from the front killed the other smaller Titan.

"What happened? Where are your squad leaders?!" Another squad leader asked Nanaba. But she was unable to say something.

"Let's get going. Our horses are dead, but we can still make it up to the trees to help with the front. They've been ambushed too, haven't they sir?" Erwin asked the squad leader.

"Don't be a fool! We have spare horses...and yes, we've been ambushed! Get going!"

Mike hoisted Nanaba as they ran to the nearest squad with spare horses.

***

Sadly, one-third of the soldiers died that day. For some odd reason, lots of Aberrants had roamed the area, and it tantamounted to unexplainable disaster. Erwin sat dumbfounded on the wagon, a sling over his shoulder and bandage on his head. Mike was fine, but Nanaba was crying nonstop. Camilla leaned on the the wall behind the driver, helplessly looking at her friends. She couldn't believe that Erika, Patrick and Alfred were gone in one swoop. And just like that, everything changed.

****

A few days later, Conrad decide to make Erwin Squad Leader. He was to take direct orders from Capt. Kieth Shadis. Mike was Assistant Squad Leader, and Nanaba, Camilla, Rowena and another guy, Arthur Ackermann were members of the team. Erwin and everyone else were forced to grow up fast. The last recon mission gave a hard blow to them. It left painful pelts and scars that would never go away.


	6. Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi was recruited to the Scout Regiment as per Erwin's initiative. The rogue citizen-turned soldier gave a rather different impression to the senior officers.

Mike snorted. Just a week ago, Erwin and his squad had managed to capture some shrimps from the Underground City. Rumor has it that Erwin had managed to take the group's leader by force by hostaging the other two members. And as Erwin was one to harbor intelligence secretly, no one knew the reason for the capture of the new recruits. But Mike knew the whole story; he was rather mum about it.

Mike was drinking his coffee at the dining room that morning when he saw the shrimps enter. Nanaba, Camilla, Rowena and Arthur turned their heads. The group's leader, Levi, turned his head to the officer's table and gave a derisive look at Mike.

"That one's a tough-looking bastard!" Arthur whispered to his comrades.

"I wonder how Ervin had managed to capture them. We weren't part of the operation when you went there, Mike. Tell us why we bothered to recruit them." Nanaba asked as she mixed her coffee.

"I can't tell you, except that these kids are pro with the ODM gear."

Camilla scowled. "ODM gear experts? Did they manage to steal some? Where did they get the gas if they live underground?"

"Who knows..." was Mike's evasive reply as he shrugged his shoulders.

***

Farlan and Isabel sat on their places at table while looking at Levi fuming in anger at Hange's noisy chatter early in the morning.

"Shut up, woman. You are ruining my day." Levi calmly said although he was on the brink of punching Hange in the face.

"Ohhhhh? Why would I? You still seem very much asleep, Levi. I need to wake you up for you to be ready for today's activities!"

"I don't need a babysitter, Hange. Besides, it's bad enough that those arrogant senior officers are giving me the creeps."

Farlan laughed. "Well, you are famous now, Levi. What would be a better reputation than being a leader in the underground's criminal activities?"

"Farlan's right, Aniki. But whether they'll respect you or not, Farlan and I will always be your worthy followers!" was Isabel's stupid response

Hange laughed. "My, my. Levi, you are indeed a celebrity!"

"Do you want hot coffee on your face, Hange?"

"No."

"Then keep quiet and let me eat in peace. And by the way, you reek of horse. Go take a shower. You smell very disgusting." Levi retorted.

***

Camilla was observing the drill officers giving balance lessons on the ODM gear to the new recruits. She was observing Levi and his friends. She had wanted to see for herself if the new recruits do have talent and guts. She had to applaud Erwin if she can see the raw talents of these kids. The Scout Regiment is very much in dire need of new recruits. She knew that Erwin had set his eyes on Levi early on, but Camilla had no idea what the squad leader had in mind.

Later, she overheard among the drill instructors over at breakfast that Levi had a strange way of holding his sword. She glanced at Erwin and saw a slight smile on his lips as he drank his coffee. Camilla smiled. She hadn't seen that smile in a long time. It had been years since Erwin was squad leader. And with rising from the ranks came the change she never saw coming: her feelings for Erwin had turned from personal to professional. She no longer saw him as a friend, but as a senior officer. 

***

"Ma'am!" Levi saluted as he saw Camilla enter the stable.

"Go on, cadet. You can continue cleaning." Camilla said as she went over to her horse named John and fed him some carrots.

Levi continued cleaning, but he was quietly observing Camilla. He noticed that she was quite different from the other haughty and gaudy officers. He seemed wary of her, especially that she's been observing the recruits some other days. And Levi noticed that there's a different look in Camilla's eyes everytime she reports to Erwin. 

Levi smirked. "Ladies will always be ladies." He thought.

"Thank you for making the stables clean. I haven't seen this place this clean in a long time. And did you also clean the hallways? They are very pristine."

"Yes, ma'am. I am very particular about cleanliness, and I hate seeing a speck of dust. It's disgusting."

Camilla laughed. "You are an interesting character, Levi. I hope you'll make it here. And I especially hope you'll join the Scout Regiment. Your skills are superb."

"Interesting? That's a weird word to describe me, ma'am. Hange would probably fit that term."

Speaking of which, Hange suddenly barged in the stables, panting.

"There you are, mister. I was looking all over for you. Isabel doesn't know how to cook, and the kitchen's a disaster!"

Levi shook his head, muttering. "Oh, brother. What's Farlan doing? Where is he?"

"Beats me."

"You're on kitchen duty today, right?" Levi asked Hange.

"Well, yeah. But I'm not a good cook."

"Tsk! What pesky little rats you and Isabel are, Hange. Let's switch. I'll cook, you clean. But make sure there's not a piece of poop on the ground. I want this place spic and span."

Hange gave a mock salute. "Yes, sir!"

Camilla could only smirk.


	7. pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter took place after the 23rd expidition in the choice with no regrets ova wherein farlan and isabel were eaten by the Titan)

Erwin spotted Levi sitting on the balcony of the castle the Scouts resided. Levi had that faraway look in his eyes. He was thinking about what might had happened had he not abandoned his friends, or if them three went after Erwin. Isabel and Farlan might not have been killed.

Levi sobbed. He and Farlan had been through everything. Farlan was like a younger brother to him. And when Isabel came, she became a sister he never had. They were family. Levi never even knew his parents, and for him, the only relative he knew was a certain Kenny Ackerman.

Mike was observing as well.

"And that kid tried to kill you?"

Erwin nodded. "Lobov or probably a representative sent them a warning about what I was going to do, and that I should be killed. But I was ten steps ahead of them. I've sent my reports to Zackly already. That merchant is finished. "

"Your eyes are sharper than mine."

"But not as sharp as your nose, Mike."

"But if it comes down to this, you have foresight. I reckoned you'd make a better commander than Shadis."

"Mike, I wish I could thank you for that. But then, I still have a lot to learn. And I don't think I'm worthy to be future commander."

Mike chuckled. "And why not? It seems to me Shadis has been grooming you to take his place. Look at how he insists that you always join him wherever mission or business he attends to."

***

Nanaba was also observing Levi, as was Hange.

"It must have left a bitter taste to his mouth. I've heard from Squad Leader Flagon that Levi got his ass whipped by Erwin about his assassination plot." Hange said. 

But Nanaba spanked Hange's arm. "Hey, that's very rude of you. Don't say that at this time. You are being so insensitive."

"But that's the truth, right? Why would he plan to kill Squad Leader Erwin?"

"That's none of your business. And besides, Levi needs time to grieve. Let him be. And don't say anything to his face. I guarantee you you'll get your nape sliced." Nanaba said as she turned to go back to the library. Hange could only sigh and follow her Squad Leader.

 


	8. A breed of heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin Smith was Commander of the Scout Regiment when Eren Jaeger and the members of the 104th Squad began their training. After the class graduated, the cadets had their first taste of horror after the Battle at Trost. Now, as Eren and his classmates stand before Erwin to join the Scouts, things will never be the same again for the Scout Regiment.

"I especially admire your courage to battle your inner fears. Graduates, I welcome you to the Scout Regiment. Here is my sincere salute to you!" Erwin said as he beat his right fist on his left chest. The new members did likewise.

"I wanna go home..." Sasha Blouse wailed silently.

"What the hell?..." Connie Springer commented.

"You should have backed out if you're not gonna stop crying!" Ymir berated Krista Lenz as the latter was sobbing.

***

Hange was smiling. The Scouts finally had additional manpower aside from the less than 300 people they already had. Nanaba and Camilla were watching in the sidelines, admiring the welcome ceremony. It felt to them like there was a different kind of fresh air blowing their way. For the first time in a century, they finally had a chance to fight back against the Titans through Eren Jaeger.

"Tsk. Another group of snots who'll be a pain during cleaning time." Levi muttered to himself, to which, Hange snickered. Moblit was a bit irritated listening to Hange and Levi.

"I bet you'll ask Erwin to make a new curriculum named Cleanliness 101!"

"Shut up, Hange." Levi said.

***

Erwin was tapping his pen on the map in front of him. In his mind, it will be too risky to have the rookies join the next expidition. The rookies had just encountered a massive Titan attack when the gate at Trost was breached. But there was no time to lose. He'll have the squad leaders train the rookies about the Long-Range Scouting Formation and the flare signals, not to mention the importance of keeping the horses at top shape.

Mike was apprehensive about the rookies joining too. But he knew Erwin all too well. Something must have come up for the commander to readily make risky decisions and sacrifice the new recruits. Something didn't feel right.

***

"Everyone!" Eren called out to his classmates. Mikasa was very much relieved that she instantly ran over to Eren and inspected him.

"Eren, are you okay? Have they been experimenting on you?"

Eren knit his brows. "Uh...not really..."

"It's a relief then. But I'm not gonna forgive that pipsqueak for what he did to you!" Mikasa muttered as Levi exited the building and heard what she said.

"Shush, he might hear you!" Eren scolded her as he ran to his other classmates.

"Guys! I'm surprised you are all here! Wait, I don't see Annie, Jean and Marco. So they decided to join the MPs then!"

"Only Annie joined the MPs." Jean said as he approached Eren.

"Where's Marco?"

"Marco's dead." Jean replied, but that answer just gave a heavy stab to his heart.

Eren laughed nervously, fearing for what he thought was the bad news. "You're kidding, right? Tell me, Jean, that you're joking."

But Jean's face revealed the sad truth. "Marco's dead. I saw him...his body...by the side of the street. He died alone."

Eren couldn't believe what he heard.

***

And so it was that Dita taught the rookies Erwin's Long Distance Formation. Levi had his squad go somewhere to study that formation too. Eren listened intently as Gunther was discussing the map, as Eld and Petra have their thoughts. But Eren didn't understand the whole thing. And so, he decided to just go with the flow as per Erwin's instructions. However, the question that Erwin had asked everyone earlier still bothered them.

_"What did you see? Who do you think the enemy is?"_


	9. A mirror to the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The upcoming 57the Expidition gave a deja vu to Erwin to reevaluate how he saw his past with himself and with his friends.

The meeting adjourned at 1930. Levi, Hange and Mike exited Erwin's office in total silence. Erwin was adamant that in no way was the secret plan to be revealed to the junior officers lest the plan to capture the spy would fail. Erwin had deduced that someone was bent on sabotaging the upcoming recon and that the same spy was the one who killed Sawney and Bean. The plan to retake Wall Maria would be a catastrophe if someone were to kill Eren Jaeger, the Scout's key to unlocking the secrets of the Titans. Eren had suggested to Erwin that they should investigate the basement in his house back in Shiganshina because the boy felt that his father was working on "something important."

Erwin needed to polish the plan he and Hange had come up with. Three days from now, and they'd be conducting the 57th Expidition. Such was his dilemma that he suddenly developed a headache. And such was his condition that he didn't realize that someone was knocking on the door. It took the fifth knock for Erwin to realize someone was outside.

"Come in."

"Commander, I brought some coffee for you," Camilla said as she entered with a tray. 

Erwin beckoned his fellow officer to put the tray on the coffee table.

"Camilla, I suppose Hange may already have told you about the plan we will be implimenting on this upcoming mission?"

"Yes, sir."

"Any thoughts about this?"

"Commander, I still have no idea what you meant by that question you asked me during the investigation of the Titans' deaths. I'm guessing you want to create a trap for that spy. And that I saw that you only told the plan to the officers who were in action with that incident five years before. I just want to ask why."

Erwin leaned forward and rested his chin on his entwined hands, thinking thoroughly.

"I thought you'd be better at reading my thoughts, Gantz. Anyway, yes, the exclusion was five years and down. I had those working more than five years from today to really know of my plan. You see, I have never seen this phenomenon before. And I'm talking about Eren Jaeger. Eren was a victim of the disaster at Shiganshina, and he now is a member of our troop. You can also see what he is capable of."

"Cut to the chase, Smith."

Erwin scowled. He flashed a glance up to Camilla, wondering why she suddenly acted and spoke that way.

"Are you doubting me?"

"No, I am not."

"Clearly," Erwin continued as he leaned on his chair and crossed his arms,"it seemed to me that you don't trust my decisions. Camilla, have you ever asked yourself if there was a Titan shifter in our batch? No, I think not. And if so, no one would be too interested in killing the Titan subjects aside probably from Hange if she got too careless. However..."

Erwin stood up and went to his china cabinet, opened the door and got a cup. Walking to the coffee table, he picked up the coffee pot and poured coffee. He offered Camilla coffee as he indulged too himself. Camilla hesitantly took the cup from Erwin, but took it anyway.

"Eren is a Titan shifter. As such, he is a very valuable component to this plan to retake Wall Maria. Someone must not want us to learn about the Titans' origins, where they came from, and why they do what they do. I also suspected that whoever was behind the killings was sending me a message to stop messing around, otherwise, he or she would go and kill Eren. And it seemed to me that Eren must have something he wanted."

Camilla didn't utter anything as she silently sipped her coffee, pondering on Erwin's words.

"I would not want that mishap we experienced to happen again. But, history keeps repeating itself. No matter how hard I tried to recruit people, someone always gets killed. I admit, I send people to their deaths for me to achieve my goal. You could call me a monster, Camilla. I am not who you used to know. Shadis wasn't as brave as I am. I wanted to realize a century's dream of being totally free from the tyranny of the Titans. Would you have done the same thing?"

Camilla sighed. "Erwin, we each have a calling. I couldn't do what you do. I'm not cut-off to be commander. Yes, I can lead, but I only can do things my own way. And I was meaning to tell you that four of the horses gave birth just this evening. My team would be very busy taking care of them, but we will supply you with the horses I just examined this afternoon. We had the best batch ready for deployment."

Erwin refilled his cup and asked his officer if she wanted more, to which Camilla declined.

"I am honored to have you as a veterinarian in our company. I would have wished to see you be a squad leader just like Mike and Nanaba. In all honesty, I missed those days when we would just talk about ourselves and about our dreams."

It seemed like a heavy jab just hit Camilla on the chest. It's been years since she became a vet for the Scout Regiment albiet she also joined the troop on the excursions outside the walls. And in those many years, Camilla barely even had time to talk to Erwin and everyone else anymore. 

"I'm just wondering how Nile and Marie are doing. It was wierd having to battle with Nile at the court over Eren's custody."

Another jab. It would have been better if Erwin never mentioned their two estranged friends. It appeared to Camilla that Erwin was making the court duel as an excuse to mention Marie's name alongside Nile's. 

Erwin, meanwhile, was silent. Although Nile had proposed to Marie on the night of the choosing ceremony, they were not married until three years later when they were eighteen. Erwin had seen in the papers about two members of the MP getting married, and that Nile was already a team leader at that time. It was also stated that Marie decided will quit being a member of the MP when she'll start to have kids. At that time, Erwin felt like his heart would shatter. It should have been him, not Nile. But he feared that he would just give heartaches to Marie if he gets killed. He decided being single wasn't so bad after all.

"Commander, if you'll excuse me. I still have to check on the foals. I will be giving another report in a few day's time. Good night." Camilla said as she gave a salute.

Erwin's face fell. No matter what he does, it seemed like his friendship with Camilla was never the same again.

"Okay. Good night,too,Camilla."

 


	10. The walls have ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin overheard Nanaba and Camilla's conversation.

"There you are! Dita was looking for you earlier this morning. He wanted to ask about the horses we will be using in two days," Nanaba said as she approached Camilla who was sleeping in the stable.

"Why were you sleeping in here?"

Camilla stood up as she dusted the hay off her uniform.

"One of the foals born yesterday was suddenly acting strange. I decided to monitor to look what's wrong with it. Sure, it was feeling giddy all night, too strange for a newborn being. But at dawn, it gradually got weary and decided to sleep along with its mother."

Nanaba went over to the stacked hay and sat.

"Are you ready for the excursion?" 

"I am always ready."

"Well," Nanaba continued, "it seems we quite have a very delicate situation in hand. You already knew about this, don't you?"

"Hange-san told me about it. She grabbed me last night and told me everything that Erwin discussed with them. It was his orders,too, that veterans more than five years should be told of the plan. And by golly, she even asked me to serve Erwin coffee since she said she was 'busy' with some experiments she was going to do. I bet she did that just so she can't make coffee. You know Erwin. He is very particular about his drink."

Nanaba's mental lightbulb lit up. "Oh? And did you know how Erwin wants his coffee?" She smirked as she asked Camilla.

Camilla raised a brow. "Well, he wants his coffee very strong and very black but three teaspoons of sugar must be added to it."

Nanaba laughed. "See? I didn't even know that! I don't even know what his gauge of strong coffee is! I, Hange and everyone else always make the same mistake! Did he throw the drink after taking a sip?"

Camilla shook her head.

"It means you nailed it! You should marry him already!"

Camilla turned red after hearing Nanaba's comment. Nanaba smiled, but continued teasing her friend.

"I suppose you've made him coffee before?"

"The last time I made coffee for him was two days before the 34th Expidition. And he drank it anyway."

Nanaba leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands. "I bet that's a special memory since you readily gave me an answer there. I have a feeling you still haven't given up on Erwin."

Camilla laughed bitterly. "Come on,Nanaba. You can't be serious. I'm not a teen-age girl anymore who gets sad when the man doesn't notice her. Besides, I'm too old for that."

"Hey, we are past thirty now. Everyone expected you to get married at twenty, right? You can't just wait for a man to knock on your door and sweep you off your feet."

"Well, and how come you and Mike aren't married yet?" Camilla asked, hoping to catch Nanaba into a trap.

"Well, missy, Mike and I are childhood friends. At least we already knew what we wanted in life. We want to get married when we want it. But as of now, we enjoy exclusively dating each other and enjoying our job at the same time. As for you, I'd say you better snag Erwin before another girl, or death, gets him."

The mention of death gave shivers to Camilla. In a few day's time, another dangerous expedition would take place. It never occured to her before that she should tell her feelings to Erwin. Upon hearing Nanaba's warning, Camilla felt she had to make a move, yet she felt so chicken she didn't know what to do.

"I just can't push to him my feelings if he didn't feel the same way. That would be too selfish..."

"But at least he'd know. What better way than telling him as soon as possible?"

"But...I..."

 

***

Erwin and Levi were having a morning stroll discussing the tactics the commander had in mind. As they were approaching the stable, they heard women conversing. They decided to eavesdrop, hoping that the conversation would shed some light to their dilemma.

Erwin was dumbfounded when he heard about the talk. It never occured to him that Camilla had liked him all those times. He was too busy looking at Marie and too busy thinking about graduation, about work, and about the Scouts he didn't realize other people's feelings. Nevertheless, he decided that his approach to Camilla should still be as professional as possible. He'd have to observe her well and get any subtle gists. And then he'll ask her about it.

The bitter laugh caught him by surprise. He didn't know if he should feel sad about what should have been, or if he'd just brush Camilla's feelings aside. He then remembered the day he asked her to be his sparring partner. That was one of the happiest days of his life. He finally had a very competent partner who will make him do his best during training. It saddened him when Camilla suddenly turned cold. Moreover, he was so angry at her when she lied about not seeing him and Marie making out in the exercise room. The anger he felt was suddenly changed to one of regret when Camilla didn't speak to him like how she used to talk to him. In all those years they were comrades, Erwin was hoping that he'd get to share a drink with her as he always does with Mike and Nanaba, Sadly, she just drifted away. 

Every expedition frightens him. As much as it hurts him seeing his friends and comrades at the mercy of the Titans, the survivors always gave him a grim reminder of who will be gone next. It frightened him to know that, one by one, he will no longer be able to see his classmates working alongside him. When Erwin first joined the Scouts, 20 of them entered. Now, only 7 of them were left. The remaining members now were the junior officers and the present 104th ex-trainee squad rookies. 

Erwin didn't know how long he could keep his friends within reach. Mike and Nanaba were his pillars of strength because they were friends as they were classmates. Erwin only wished Camilla would have been more open to him and accept him back as a friend. He could honestly say to himself that he missed her.

"Well, I was right the first time I saw her, Erwin. I just didn't have the guts to tell you since it's none of my business. She just reminded me of someone who's very protective of one of our soldiers," Levi said, referring to Mikasa and Eren.

Erwin sighed. He turned around and decided to go back to his office.

"Levi, don't tell them we heard everything they discussed."

"Whatever you say so."


	11. Neither knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Nanaba shared a kiss neither knew would be their last.

The smell of gardenias caught his nose.

Mike knew that Levi was looking for Nanaba. The Lance Corporal had sent for her, Mike, Gelgar, Lauda, Henning and Lynne for a very special task Erwin had devised after the failed attempt to capture the Female Titan. The last excursion dealt a heavy blow to the Scout Regiment that Erwin, and even Eren had to be summoned for an investigation. And after the mishap at Stohess Disctrict, Annie Leonhart, the Female Titan, was finally captured. Erwin had guessed that in the 104th Training Squad group, a person or two are Annie's accomplices.

Erwin wanted the remaining new rookies of the Scout Regiment secluded and stripped off of their ODM gears. So, the senior officers will have to 'babysit' them in order to screen out the traitors. And off course, Armin was a big help to the commander for taking down one traitor, though Annie was from the Mikitary Police and not with the Scouts.

Mike watched as Nanaba was filling up her tank.

"You could have helped me if you just came here, you know. I already knew from experience that you'll just stand behind me, yet not speak at all although I knew you just came." Nanaba said as she closed the switch of her first tank.

"You really knew me at all. I wonder why we didn't get married." Mike commented.

Nanaba laughed. "Silly, we agreed way back then, right? But we kept postponing our plans. Have you finally decided yet?"

Mike snorted. "You know that I'm always ready."

Nanaba chuckled. "I think I'm ready now. And to think, those new recruits could have been our children. Or our kids could have joined the military just like us."

Mike went over to Nanaba and held out a hand. Nanaba received her boyfriend's hand graceously as she stood up.

"I've been waiting forever, Nanaba. Will you marry me?"

Nanaba smiled as she carressed Mike's face.

"Yes, my dear. I will marry you. But let's wait until this whole ordeal is over with, okay?"

Mike nodded. Then he bent his head towards Nanaba's as he pressed his lips to hers. Closing her eyes, Nanaba took in all of Mike to herself. 

But as another mission was around the bend, neither had realized that their personal plans will be thwarted. 


End file.
